"ONE SAYS THIS; ONE SAYS THAT"

As published in the Newport (TN) Plain Talk
Release Date: Dec 1, 2011
Column Number: FM 1148

Unless you have been living under a rock somewhere on the back side of Frogpond, Tennessee; you have probably heard of the fiasco that is currently unfolding.

“What fiasco?” you may ask. Hey, pick one! There are plenty to go around.

The fiasco I’m talking about today is the one where one person says “this” and the other person says “that”.

You knowhatimean?

The lyrics by Gershwin/Gershwin say: “you say potato, I say potahto; you say tomato, I say tomahto” (actually you may say tomato or tomaho or whatever, but I say “mater”; but that is column fodder for yet another day).

Vice President Quayle got into a heap o’ trouble when he corrected a spelling student (from the card the school had given him) who had spelled the word “potato” instead of “potatoe”. I thought it was humorous that the press agitated itself into a frenzy about that; because I had just returned from Idaho on a mission trip (you do know the starchy, tuber from the perennial Solanum of the Solanaceae family for which Idaho is famous, don’t you) and they had the word “potatoe” right on their license plates. Potato, Potahto!

We have all recently heard anxious wannabe news people standing in crowded airports and proclaiming “The Day before Thanksgiving is the busiest travel day of the year”; and then they are back on Sunday standing in crowded airports and proclaiming “The Sunday after Thanksgiving is the busiest travel day of the year”. “Tomato, tomahto”.

We have all been “treated” to the expertise of the sports commentators who proclaim that “that play was the play of the game”. “The play of the game” is coming up right here! No pressure on that place kicker; but this is the “play of the game”.

Or how about “That shot was the shot of the year”; whether it was a golf shot, a basketball shot, a mumblypeg throw, a curler’s slide, a javelin throw, a hammer hurl, a vaulter’s “stickit”, a synchronized swimmers’ design, or a shooter’s shot – it was the (whachamacalit) of the year!

Many people hung on every word that was uttered in private or in secret, in open court or in side bar, in interviews or in news releases of the “Trial of the Century” (actually mis-carriage of justice) several years ago in Los Angeles. I think the Lindberg kidnapping trial personnel might have grounds to disagree; or the Alger Hiss hearings; or the Scopes “Monkey Trial” jury; or the Teapot Dome hearings; or the Nuremberg War Crimes trials; or maybe Sacco and Vanzetti; or Michael Jackson and his doctor buddy. President Johnson’s impeachment trial, President Clinton’s impeachment hearings, and President Nixon’s impeachment votes might just be in the running.

But, the OJ fiasco was officially crowned the “trial of the century”. Potato, potahto!

Gershwin/Gershwin went on to talk about “either and ither”; “neither and nither”; pyjamas and pyjahmas”; “vanilla and vanilla”; “bananas and banahnas”; “Havana and Havahnah”. Whatever! Press “one” for English!

Now the thing is whether or not we can say “Merry Christmas”. It’s no big thing (correctly pronounced in the Frogpond Universal Dictionary – “thang”) for me. Ima Sign (our electronic sign at West End) says, “It’s Merry Christmas! You can have happy holidays anytime”.

Seems our neighbors (naighbers) can’t get it scoped in; and they are going with the more politically correct “Winterfest” (which they start before Winter). Don’t want to offend anyone, you know!

Do we have a standard? Is there anything upon which we can depend?

Yes! Glad you asked! The Bible is God’s Inerrant, Infallible Word; and is the “ONLY THING” that will stand when your world is burning down around you! Better hang your hat on that Hook, my friend.

In a world of nothing but changes; you need something upon which you can depend! The Bible, God’s Word, is a wonderful Guidebook by which you can LIVE; but It cannot be beat as a Guidebook by which you can DIE!

Christian, it’s “Game On”; Let’s get cracking”!


Tom Mooty currently serves the West End Baptist Church as Senior Pastor. He writes this column for the Thursday edition of the “Newport Plain Talk”; and appreciates all comments. He can be heard on Sundays over WLIK at 11:00; and is the published co-author (with Michele Washam) of “Protecting Those You Love in an X-Rated World” (Bridge-Logos). Mooty has plans to enlarge his ministry into further publishing and broadcasting. Contact Mooty at tommooty05@comcast.net or at P.O. Box 851; Newport, TN 37822.

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