"FIZEU"

As published in the Newport (TN) Plain Talk
Nov 3, 2011
Column Number: FM 1144


Ok, don’t hit me again! I’ll talk! I’ll tell you what that title means!

Actually, the sample is taken from an extremely complex extinct language. It is an original manuscript of an ancient dialect which was spoken by the inhabitants of Frogpond, Tennessee. The priceless document was discovered by an archeological dig being operated by ex-mayor, Lester Starnes at the actual site of the actual frogpond.

It appears to be coupled with a particle or word fragment that is found in several different spellings, the most frequent being: “ID” or “AHD”.

“Fizeu id” makes no sense at all; but of course, it fit in very nicely among the indigenous population of Frogpond.

Noted linguist, Gary Hammonds, who has the distinction of being the very first doctoral candidate from Frogpond University gave me a lot of help in deciphering the cryptic scribbling. Dr. Hammonds, whose doctoral thesis was entitled, “I don’t nohow to talk too purty good” actually remembered frequently hearing the mysterious words being used in conversations on the whittlin’ benches around the Frogpond Courthouse; and was able to come up with a translation.

Hammonds remembered the phrase was used thusly: “Fizeu ahd do hit thisaway”; and was able to translate the ancient line of dialog into: “If I were you, I would do it this way”.

Viola! It now makes good sense; and archeologist Lester Starnes can now sleep at night.

There are always the delightful people who are always looking over your shoulder with groans and heavy breathing as you whittle yet another masterpiece; and they say, “Fizeu, ah’d do hit thisaway”, as they point out the way they would do it differently.

But, you know, the simple truth is that “Fizeu” is a faulty premise; you are not me; I am not you!

I have heard of identical twins taking each others’ places with tests or other various “sticky wickets” we face every day.

My Tennessee Tech roommate came to Newport one time and people mistook him for me; called him by my name. And he was not nearly as good looking as I used to be!

I have heard of people doing a thriving business filling in for students in big impersonal college classrooms, taking notes, taking tests, writing papers, etc.

But, while you might indeed be able to do a better whittling project than me; you still cannot “be” me; and I cannot “be” you.

Especially in the realm of the spiritual!

You will face the Judge of the Universe yourself; and no one can ever take your place!

The simple question is, are you ready to face Him?


Tom Mooty serves as Senior Pastor (Medicare Minister) of Newport’s West End Baptist Church; and can be reached with your comments at tommooty05@comcast.net. Check back to our two blogs frequently; who knows; you might happen to find something new! (Who knew?)

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