Who Got Lucy's Half of the Pie?"

FIVE MINUTES WITH TOM MOOTY

As Published in the Newport (TN) Plain Talk
Release Date – Feb 2, 2012
Column Number - 1205

“WHO ATE LUCY’S HALF OF THE PIE?”

My older brother, Freddy (“The Big Ugly”) is a little bit weird – well, a lotta bit weird, actually; but we won’t go there. Please forget I said that.

Anyway, he was in the eighth grade when Fred Marvin and Josephine Celeste decided to yank us out of our roots, load up the Studebaker, and move to Frogpond, a suburb of Eastport, a suburb of Newport.

Some of his weirdness (oops, I said it again) is found in the fact that he was always a bit backwards in the friend-making category. I mean, it took him eight years to make one friend, and he really didn’t want to leave that one friend; and so, he stayed behind with my Aunt Frank and Uncle Paul. (Yes, I said, “Aunt Frank”. Don’t ask!)

Oh, ok, since you asked: Mom’s family had four girls who were named “Tootle”, “Jo”, “Frank”, and “Bill”. A brother, Alvin Thomas (for whom I am named) came along in the pecking order at some point in time; but I always thought that having an “Aunt Frank” and “Aunt Bill” was really surreal (before I even knew what “surreal” meant. I just liked using that word).

Anyway, Freddy stayed behind with Frank and Paul until he graduated and then Fred Marvin and Josephine Celeste went to get him, and drug him kicking and screaming up the two lane behind the aforementioned Studebaker.

Did I mention that “Big Ugly” had a problem making friends because he was so backwards?

Well, one friend he made (two actually) were twins, Wiley and Lucy Morgan, who lived over on Woodlawn. Since Freddy is so very much older than I, that must mean that Wylie and Lucy are --- well, you know.

There was no cafeteria at Newport Grammar until 1950; so we poor unfortunate, lunch deprived students had to fend for ourselves in the necessary daily intake of calorie-laden nourishment. I mean, Josephine Celeste’s mater sammiges were really good, what with all the mayo slathered on both sides; but, as the poet said (or should have said), “Into every life some soup beans must come”.

Seems that Lucy and Wiley just lived right over across that big rocky crevasse that separated their house from the school; and little Wiley wanted to go home to mama’s home cooking.

There was a homemade pie on the window ledge (remember when they used to do that); and Wiley was famished from cramming so much learning into his cranial cavity; so he took out his pocket knife, wiped off all the dirt, fingernail crust, and toenail jam; and proceeded to cut that pie in half and started munching as he sauntered back to the salt mines.

The only problem was that he ran out of pie before he ran out of path; so, he made the decision to do the only manly option open to him and turned around to go back and get the other half of the pie (Lucy’s half?). This time he was ‘bout purt near out of time; and had to put the pedal to the medal to make it back in time.

To this date, Lucy doesn’t know who got her half of the pie; and, since this information was shared with in the strictest confidence, I for one will never tell; but that doesn’t mean you can’t.

Now, you see, you would never have known that such a nefarious, pie-swiping character was living in our midst if it were not for me!

Ok! That’s enough of that since my friend Wiley has long since been forgiven from such a heinous act of atrociousness (and all his other sins) by acceptance of the shed blood of Jesus Christ; but I cannot help but wonder if maybe at least one of you, my dear readers, might still have sins clinging to you like tenacious barnacles on a stagnant boat bottom.

There is one answer; and only one! His Name is Jesus The Christ; and He is ready, willing, and available to wash you clean of your sins and put your feet on the Rock; and take you to heaven when you die, or He returns (whichever comes first).

Don’t know how to make that transaction? I do! Wiley does! And we will surely share!



These columns are written by Tom Mooty, Pastor of Newport’s West End Baptist Church; and can also be found on the church website: www.webaptistchurch.org. All comments can be sent to tommooty05@comcast.net or P.O. Box 851, Newport.

-- 30 --